just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
