yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
