walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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