i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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