Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
