Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
