i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
