Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
