the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
