Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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