ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
