i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
