me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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