This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
