just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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