I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
