If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
