The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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