But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
