We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
