Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
