Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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