I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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