There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
