I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Congratulations! We have a period
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
