Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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