youre lurking in front of me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
