I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
