You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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