My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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