i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
