walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize