so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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