dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
