I want to have your abortion
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
