my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
