I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
