in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
