Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
