Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
