I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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