I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize