the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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