Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
