So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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