Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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