My first STD was from a foam party
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just pee around me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
