Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
