Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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