You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
