Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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