I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My friends, they love my intelligence
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
