My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
