I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
