I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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