Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize