I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
be right there i have to get my cape
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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