I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
