I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
