The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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