im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
