singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
