he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
