Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
