No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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