So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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