I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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