just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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