You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
