I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
