Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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