His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize